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Lilliputian Airlines
October 16, 2013
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[Yesterday's AP story, "New seats let airlines squeeze in more passengers," sent me to the archives for this one -- a short piece inspired by a particularly uncomfortable flight a few years back.]

Welcome to Lilliputian Airlines. Half-price fares for half-pint humans. Our airplanes feature extra narrow seats, aisles and restrooms. And our service couldn't be more minimal:

  • We provide under-seat storage only -- all overhead bins have been conveniently pre-filled to save you the embarrassment of trying to reach them.
  • Snacks are as small as we can possibly make them - from mini-pretzels to baby carrots -- and all packed in the dearest wee bags, just the right size for your cute little fingers.
  • On Lilliputian Airlines you can order a mini-bottle of your favorite liquor, rent a flimsy headset, and sit back to enjoy a movie in letterbox format on an actual letter-slot-sized screen.
  • Our tiny-voiced attendants will never disturb you with intrusive announcements, however informative. We guarantee our P.A. to be barely audible.
If you fit into a standard, carry-on size piece of luggage or a middle school locker you'll want to try Lilliputian Airlines, where economy is our specialty.

Ask about our extra savings plan: Sit next to one of our full-fare patrons and receive an additional 20% discount.*

* Subject to conditions. No whining.

* * *

Copyright © 2013 Zelda Gatuskin

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